people hurt you
you struggle..
people dismiss you
you stumble..
people reject you
you fall
...you look up
God touches you
you reach out
God embraces you
you cry..
God clothes you
you sob..
God protects you
you weep..
God calms you
you sniff..
God relieves you
you smile..
God healed you
hmm have you ever felt lukewarm? sort of you really wana feel something strong, but cant manage? you wana be full of strong passionate emotions, for God and for your loved ones? sometimes during worship i really try to give God my all.. maybe i try too much and end up losing the whole point of simplicity.. sometimes even prayer becomes hard for me cause i'd wana tell God so many things that then i just get lost on how to say it or what to say or the list's sequence..
during the lenten talks, i thought i was missing the whole point of them... but then Fr Ray brought the example of the young man who was told to go by the lake and fill up this container made of hay which was dirty with coal..as he was carrying it back home, the water kept leaking through the holes.. but as he kept filling it up, it kept getting cleaner and cleaner.. so even if i might not have felt drastic changes, they've helped me in some way or another.. but sometimes i get scared of getting stuck in this lukewarm phase, where i just sigh and have nostalgia for the past, maybe regretting some things i've done..
i duno, but have you ever felt as though no song can really apply to what ure feeling, or no song can really 'satisfy' your heart's ears? like you've searched anywhere, but you feel as though this rush of love needs to grip you until you finally feel on fire... i really want that passion for Jesus i used to have to come back.. this is my honesty, and i know i couldn't keep it in.. why have i wondered off lately? sometimes i feel as God is out of reach, not cause He doesnt want, but cause its me who cannot reach his outstretched arm...
sometimes i wonder why ive been so lukewarm, not being so passionate to talk about His love to others.. have i been so engrossed in my little world that i've forgotten what going out to spread His word means? is it me who's holding back because of fear of what they might say? but then... i only live once, whats the use of living without risking? sometimes i wish i were young, cause i surely was more daring, more excited to go out there and try new things..
ive got a picture of my sister and i at this playground, where i was walking on this rope bridge and i was scared but i still did so.. in fact my sister kept looking at me with biwilderdness... i also remember myself jumping from one rock to another in this really rocky beach.. i was always so daring, and ready to risk.. now i doubt if i'm still like that, im more careful, maybe even trying to be more guarded... and sometimes i believe something, and i get comments like "its impossible.. you're too naive.. you're not facing reality.. you're always dreaming.." and these might have made me think twice about stuff, not acting on what i believe. for so many times ive tried changing a situation, doing my best to keep myself and the ones around me strong.. and failing to do so has put me in a situation that made me think twice.. it might have given me a sense of being careful, but it has made me doubtful too.. maybe even skeptical.. maybe i need to rediscover that life with God is unpredictable and full of riskful things that will make me feel fulfilled, regardless what the world will tell me..
now i know what the solution to this lukewarm state is...
maybe its time to take another step on that rope bridge of faith...
Hold my heart, Lord,
Heal me from all that breaks me,
Protect me from all that harms me,
Embrace me from all that robs me,
Love me from all that hates me.
Put your light in me,
strengthen me in Your Son, and
Forgive me from what I've done.
Please shine Your face on this fragile soul,
Lead me towards Your path,
and help me in the struggles that I'll face;
so I won't get carried away from You by the current.
Speak to me soft words,
that make me smile, that fill my heart.
Ones which will make me new, so I'll draw close to You.
I'm moving closer to You,
hoping to touch Your cloak.
Love me, Lord,
I need Your love.
I can't separate from You.
Close me in Your arms,
I pray that I won't get dragged away.
You are the rock that witstands this strong current.
The waves will still roar,
but You will never move.
You're unshakeable...
You're here to stay.
Thank You, dear God.
Teach me how to follow You...
I trust in You, my heart says.
And for once, I believe that what it's saying is true.
For once I can say that it's true.
You know how sometimes your heart feels so confused, not knowing what it's feeling, doubting if what you're feeling is what you really want or what you really need... sometimes we might get tricked because of the confusion, but there's one single truth which you might be forgetting? the small truth that's been walking with you ever since you've accepted to follow the Lord.
This is what really struck me today, and i truly feel that it's God who's telling me this.. Even if you might not know what your heart is feeling, there's something which is definately true - that I love you, that you can trust in Me. My heart knows this truth and will keep on hanging to it - that i trust Him. It might be troubled from all that's going on, but the fact that it trusts God is keeping it secure.
Today would have been my grandma's 80th birthday, but God chose to call her on the 9th April of 2007. She was such a dear... I'll never forget the beautiful moments my sister and I spent with her, especially when we were young cause we practically lived with them. Her smile used to warm your heart, her laugh used to cheer you up even when you're down in the dumps.. I won't forget the beautiful gentle expression she used to have in her eyes.. Oh how I miss hugging her.. She had such faith in God, and loved with no exceptions, how I wish to be like her, so patient and kind.. She was such a loving mother, sometimes I wonder if I showed her enough gratitude for all the things she had done to me... I wish I could just hug her one more time, and tell her what a great person she's been in my life.. what a blessing she was.. even when she might have forgotten who I am, she never stopped being special to me. I really hope you're reading this nanna Joyce, wishing to see you face to face, but knowing that you're in God's arms makes me peaceful. Please keep my family in your prayers.. love you!
many things have happened since the 9th, some expected and some unexpected! xD i couldn't have done it without the help of God, be it soiree [which was a grand success by the way :D], be it school, be it everything... and i still can't do it without Him! He's taught me loads, and I'm grateful for that. One thing I wana work on is this: to keep my eyes on Jesus, to follow Him and believe even when I can't see... I'm keeping my focus on Love, and embrace all the experiences God pulls me through. i know i won't regret focusing my life on God, seriously :)
So this song is of Matt Redman, called Worthy, you are worthy and it struck me as soon as i heard it xD and now i wana share it with you :)
So today was a totally busy day, from 10-2 and 5-7.30 rehearsals for the most awaited JC SOIREE!! xD i must admit, today we had such a blast!! but now... i'm totally dead lol and i'm planning on studying physics / chemistry for my tests on thurs and fri oh the joy xD so guys book now!! it's this weekend, so get kicking :P :D
so yes... back to the title...
I've opened my bible and Isaiah 43: 18-19 came up:
And the Lord says:
"Forget what happened before,
and do not think about the past.
Look at the new thing I am going to do
It is already happening. Don't you see it?
I will make a road in the desert
and rivers in the dry land"
so God's actually telling us not to worry what things we failed to do, what troubles we've gone through, and start looking ahead of us with faith. School's getting tough, and studying just gets even more vital.. and to be honest, last week i wasn't that pleased with my marks.. i know i should have studied harder, and the tests coming up this week are getting to me... but i don't want fear to block my faith in God, in any circumstance, be it school or people or situations and stuff. so what i'm trying to say is don't get stuck to the bad memories or fears of the past, but let God help you get through them. Let God lead you to His promises... you might be saying that you haven't seen anything change... but hold your horses, have patience. God's timing is not our timing, His ways are not ours. but then who sees the whole picture? isn't it the mighty God? :)
don't forget...
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" (Philippians 4: 13)
don't lose faith, God's already working in your lives! just let Him enter deep and do His job :) He makes all things new! (Rev 21: 5)
ive just found a song of Matt Redman, Tim Hughes and Joel Houston called King of Wonders, and i'd like you to listen to it :) it's beautiful! so go on the link: http://musicremedy.com/c/Compassionart/videos/King_Of_Wonders-28316.html and click on "download"
one verse which really hit me is:
"King of Wonders, You know the way to our hearts.
The more we see, the more we love You".
Sometimes we might get stuck to a place, where we're suited with our love for God.. and this applies to me too.. but this weekend i realised that i need to thirst more for God, cause love can't just be static, love grows cause it's alive! so our thirst grows as we encounter Him more frequently.. and it's just Him who really knows our hearts, who knows what's totally us and just us. Having a couple of people close at heart is one of the most important factors in our life, but then no one can take His place.. at the end of the day it's Him who has the ability to reach out to our hearts and patch them up together.. only He can really make you whole.
take care friends!
keep close to the One who loves you the most ^^
